how to even begin?...
Clearly, I am the world's WORST blogger... EVER!
To all of my family and friends who followed and supported me, I APOLOGIZE!!!
When I arrived in Malawi, I thought starting a blog would be a fun, easy way to keep in touch. Obviously, I overestimated myself.
The last time I posted was over two and a half years ago!!! Since then, there have been SO many times I've wanted to post about where I was / what was happening. ButI was SO embarrassed by how long it had been, that I didn't know how to even start.
And the most humiliating thing is... it's not just on my blog that I dropped the ball. My "Quarterly" News/Prayer Letter, is always done alongside the blog posts. In other words, (you guessed it,) it's been two and a half years since I've sent out a newsletter! (If you are un-friending me at this moment, I don't blame you! If you're hanging in there with me, God Bless YOU!!!)
I've considered starting a whole new blog and pretending this one didn't even exist. I've actually designed a new blog more than once. But that just seemed like a dishonest way out. I could never quite bring myself to click the "Save and Publish" button. Those of you who have shown your support and encouragement deserve better!
So... the longer it became, the more embarrassed I became... the more embarrassed I felt, the longer I waited... the longer I waited... the more embarrassed I felt...
Where does it end?
How can I get out of this gracefully?
There is no UN-humiliating way return to blogging. So... here goes... I am SO sorry! I am completely humiliated by my previous blogging failure! I am begging your forgiveness. And I would love the chance to try to do better.
Unfortunately, it's not just my blogging/newslettering that has been neglected of late. (I know, that's not a real word. But for today, it SHOULD be!) As I consider "What will I write?" I am forced to admit that my passion for Jesus and His work in my own life and the lives of those around me has slowly gone cold. I have filled my life with business and "noise".
I try to DO all I'm supposed to do. I TRY to BE who I'm supposed to be. I try to WALK the talk... But I've lost my fire. I've drowned it out with Facebook, movies and TV shows, Words With Friends, Solitaire, MineSweeper, and all manner of business and white noise. (Please do not misunderstand me here. I thank God for all of these things. They are awesome tools that can be used to enrich our own lives and the lives of those around us, when used responsibly. But I have NOT been using them responsibly! I have been worshipping them instead of God.)
Today I have begun a 40 day media fast. I will be avoiding all media that is not either required by my work / life, or directing me towards Jesus.
With all this "empty" time, I have returned to reading a book that I had begun over a month ago, and had not read in the last two weeks. The book is called Significant,Why you Matter in the Surprising Way God is Changing the World, By Chris Travis. The last sentence of Chapter 3 says, "Receiving God's love costs me nothing. Loving God back is a different story."
That just about sums up my current struggle.
Loving God back is a different story.
And starting now, I want to make that my story again. I want to live a whole different story!
Thank you for taking the time to listen to me ramble. I hope you will join me in inviting Jesus to be my center, my focus, and my direction.
And if you have found yourself too busy DOING good to seek the only one who can clean us up, I hope you'll join me in seeking Him to make your life "a whole different story" too.
God bless you!